In His Embrace

 

John and I are in a different season of life, one filled with health challenges and the many other things that come with a leave of absence, including making changes and adapting our home to meet our needs during this time.

Over the past year, I have learned that there are many different treatments available for people who have undergone back and spine surgery and who live with chronic pain. I have done a great deal of research, tried some traditional approaches, and learned along the way what works for me and what does not.

Part of my ongoing treatment now includes acupuncture and physical therapy specifically focused on the back and spine. I am praying that, over time, these treatments will help my recovery and provide some relief from the chronic pain and flare-ups that have become part of my daily life.

My beloved has had his own health challenges, and we have been walking through those together as well.

After several difficult days this week, I had an acupuncture appointment. I have found a wonderful therapist who provides a peaceful, calming environment. Although I have not yet experienced significant changes, I have begun to notice small improvements, and I believe that acupuncture, together with targeted physical therapy, is a positive avenue to continue exploring as part of my recovery.

One of the blessings of these appointments is the uninterrupted time they give me for prayer. In that quiet space, I pray the Rosary, the Chaplet of St. Michael, and other prayers that are dear to my heart. I talk with the Lord. I offer myself to Him and pray for those I love who are suffering, for those I have promised to pray for, and for those I do not know who are in need of prayer, both the living and the dead. Jesus knows who they are.

Sometimes I silently sing songs and hymns. Sometimes I place myself in the presence of Jesus or the Blessed Mother. Before I know it, an hour has passed.

But this week's appointment was different.

After several particularly difficult and painful days, with very little sleep interrupted by cramps, spasms, flare-ups, and unrelenting pain in my back, legs, and feet, I arrived at the therapist's office completely exhausted.

My heart was heavy. I was there because I made myself go, not because I wanted to, but because I knew I needed to.

As soon as I settled onto the table, I began to pray the Rosary. But I kept starting and stopping. I couldn't concentrate. So I simply began repeating the name of Jesus.

I could feel the tears coming, and I was trying not to cry. Then something within me gave way. Not the tears, but everything I had been carrying over the past couple of weeks, especially the past few days.

I wanted to surrender it all to Jesus. I wanted to cleave to Him, lay my cross at His feet, and simply rest in His embrace. As I thought about God the Father, my guardian angel, the Blessed Mother, and St. Michael, I was swept into the most vivid and beautiful image. I saw God the Father with His arms outstretched, and Jesus resting against Him. My head was resting on Jesus' shoulder, as St. John the Apostle rested close to Jesus at the Last Supper. At our side, the Blessed Mother was holding my hand. On the other side were St. Michael the Archangel and my guardian angel.

And there was the Holy Spirit, in the form of a dove. It was the sweetest, most beautiful image.

I don't know how long I rested there. I may even have fallen asleep briefly.

Then I brought my beloved and his guardian angel into the image, and I remained there for the rest of the session.

The pain did not disappear.

But the heaviness in my heart was gone.

In that quiet moment, I felt surrounded by the love of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit—the Most Holy Trinity—and by the loving presence of the Blessed Mother, St. Michael, and our guardian angels.

I carried that image with me when I left. And when I got into the car, I couldn't wait to share it with my beloved. At the very same time, he shared with me an image he had experienced. But that is his story to tell, and he will share it with you someday in his Moments of Grace.

The challenges are still here.

But so is the Lord.

And as I reflect on that beautiful moment, I cannot help but think of the words of Jesus in the Gospel of St. Matthew:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28–30 Weekly Newsletter Issue #14